When Vladimir Putin initiated Russia’s extensive military offensive against Ukraine on February 24, 2022, 32-year-old Varvara experienced profound feelings of “despair and anger.” She participated in an anti-war protest in central Moscow, a decision that would soon lead to unforeseen consequences. Now, two years later, Varvara finds herself navigating a landscape of severe repression, where dissent is met with harsh penalties, and her focus has shifted from activism to mere survival.
The current environment in Russia is marked by a notable escalation in state repression, reminiscent of the Soviet era. Varvara, who requested her name be changed for safety, explained that any form of resistance is likely to be “crushed.” Thousands of individuals have faced imprisonment or fines simply for voicing opposition to the war, and public protests against the Kremlin have become almost non-existent. With all major opposition figures either incarcerated, exiled, or deceased, the landscape for anti-war activism is bleak.
Varvara recalls the early days of the conflict, when she joined protests that were met with overwhelming force by Russian riot police. “I went there without knowing what’s next,” she stated, acknowledging the risks involved. She prepared for potential arrest by alerting loved ones, leaving spare keys for her cat, and bracing for the possibility of detention. Fortunately, she avoided arrest during that period, but her activism came at a cost. Signing a petition against the war led to her dismissal from a public institution.
Many of Varvara’s friends chose to leave Russia, but she weighed the uncertainties of emigration against the dangers of remaining. “I didn’t feel an immediate physical threat,” she explained, noting that no one had come to her door to arrest her. She ultimately found employment at a charity and embraced the idea of making a positive impact within her country.
In the summer of 2022, Varvara met her future husband, which added another layer of complexity to her situation. “The only reason to leave would be if one of us was facing arrest,” she remarked. Despite her decision to refrain from public criticism of the government, the war continues to overshadow her life. It took her two years to experience happiness without the burden of guilt, a realization that came during a simple summer walk with a friend.
As Varvara navigates her role as a stepmother to her husband’s two children from a previous marriage, she describes it as “a form of escapism.” The responsibilities of family life have reinforced her commitment to silence. “If I was alone, I wouldn’t be hiding my name,” she said. “But now I’m a part of a complex family structure, and I feel a sense of responsibility.”
Her aspirations for a family of her own lead her to consider the risks associated with speaking out. Although she remains silent, the war continues to influence her daily decisions, particularly in her charity work. Varvara grapples with the moral implications of collaborating with various organizations, many of which are intertwined with military efforts. “There’s this constant inner struggle: whom can you work with and whom you can’t?” she explained.
In her personal life, the war has strained her relationship with her father, a member of Russia’s security services who has fought in Ukraine. While he offers her financial support, she struggles with accepting help from someone involved in the conflict. “He’s my father, I love him. But for me, it’s impossible to accept this money,” Varvara stated.
Varvara’s experience highlights the complex realities faced by those opposing the war in Russia. As repression tightens, individuals like her are left to navigate a perilous landscape where speaking out can lead to severe repercussions, forcing many into silence and resignation.
