In a recent advice column from Slate, Rebecca Onion addressed the difficulties faced by parents of an adult daughter whose behavior has become increasingly concerning. The letter, signed by a father identified as “Hurting,” details a strained relationship with his 28-year-old daughter, who has developed a pattern of financial irresponsibility and emotional detachment.
Hurting explained that he and his ex-wife, who come from humble backgrounds, have witnessed their daughter’s transformation into someone who has become self-centered and materialistic. After attending college, she fell into a social circle that prioritized wealth and status, leading her to demand financial support from her parents while living beyond her means.
In a troubling series of events, Hurting described how his daughter traded in a paid-off car for a more expensive model, ultimately struggling to make the payments. She demanded that her father take over these costs, threatening her job and housing situation if he refused. With Hurting and his wife currently adopting two children, he cited that they cannot take on additional financial burdens.
The situation escalated further when their daughter accused Hurting’s wife of trying to undermine her position in the family and referred to the foster children in derogatory terms. This breakdown in communication has led to a long period of silence between the father and daughter, as he expressed feelings of helplessness and confusion over how to handle her behavior.
Onion offered a perspective that while turning 28 is late for financial instability, many people go through challenging phases in their twenties. She emphasized that Hurting should not feel obligated to rescue his daughter financially or teach her financial literacy. Instead, she suggested that he focus on understanding the root of his daughter’s behavior, which could be tied to the family dynamics stemming from their divorce.
In another letter featured in the column, a reader known as “Dying for Some Discussion” voiced concerns about communication issues in his long-term relationship. After nearly six years together, he expressed frustration over his girlfriend’s tendency to shut down emotionally when faced with conflict. He noted that while he was eager to discuss issues openly, she often provided minimal responses or avoided conversations altogether.
Onion reassured him that his concerns were valid, particularly as they considered marriage. She highlighted the importance of effective communication in a relationship, especially when navigating significant life decisions. Dying for Some Discussion was encouraged to approach his girlfriend and explore alternative methods of communication that might better accommodate her needs.
Lastly, a reader identified as “Confused in Colorado” described a painful friendship that disintegrated over time. After years of closeness, the relationship soured when Wendy, the friend in question, seemed to vanish until she needed assistance. After several instances of ignoring the reader’s attempts to connect, Wendy later reappeared, leading to confusion and feelings of betrayal. Onion advised against re-establishing contact, suggesting that the friendship had never been reciprocal and that it was best to move on.
These letters from Slate’s advice column illustrate the complexities and emotional turmoil that can arise in familial and friendship dynamics. Readers like Hurting and Dying for Some Discussion are grappling with feelings of disappointment and confusion as they navigate relationships that have shifted dramatically over time. Through these narratives, Onion offers insights that may resonate with many who find themselves in similar situations, encouraging open dialogue and self-reflection.
